Where the Heart is (Interracial with Baby) (BWWM) Page 5

  Jamie never knew if her mother had already known what she and Simon had been up to, but she hadn't been upset either way and the two of them had counted themselves lucky.

  Now Simon pressed a kiss to the mess of her hair and sighed softly. "It's never like that with other people."

  "Are you seriously talking about other people now while we're laying here together? Seriously?" she asked, arching an eyebrow but not lifting her head up.

  "You know what I mean. I'm trying to give you a compliment. Or something."

  "Or something." Jamie sighed. "I know what you mean, though. I've... Well, I wasn't exactly waiting around for you to come back, so I know that it's never as good when it's not with you."

  Simon was quiet for a moment. "Do you think that means something?"

  That was a stupid question. Of course it meant something. In all the books and movies, the person who always felt right to be with was the person you were supposed to stay with. They weren't supposed to move away and forget you and leave you scrambling to find someone who could be second best just to fill the void they left behind.

  Jamie knew that Simon knew that. He had to know it, and it didn't matter one way or the other because there was nothing they could do but try and have fun now and then say goodbye when he had to leave again.

  "I dunno," she said finally. "Maybe that we just had a lot of sex as teenagers so we know how it's supposed to go with each other."

  "Yeah," he replied, voice soft. "That's probably it. Do you mind if I crash here tonight? The idea of going back out there in the cold tonight makes me want to cry."

  "No, that's fine." Jamie pushed herself up onto her hands and stretched. "I need to shower, though. It's been a long day, and I am worn out."

  Simon pushed her hair out of her face and grinned. "I'd say we should conserve water, but I don't think I can get up from this bed long enough to seduce you. You've killed me with good sex."

  She laughed and got to her feet, shaking her head at him. "I think you'll survive. Just go to sleep, idiot."

  Without waiting for a reply, she went into the bathroom and turned the water on as hot as she could stand it. She didn't want feelings right now. She wanted to revel in the way her body felt sated for the first time in a long time and not think about how unlikely it would be to happen again.

  And then she wanted to sleep.

  Usually she would have taken a longer shower, but there was a niggling thought in the back of her mind that made her wonder if Simon would be gone when she got out. So she washed quickly and dried off before stepping back into the bedroom, sighing with something akin to relief when he was still there, curled up in the bed under the blankets, clearly asleep.

  It felt completely natural to move to the other side of the bed and slip under the covers, even without getting dressed first. How many times had they fallen asleep together like this over the years? Even before it became sexual between them, it had been their habit to fall asleep in the middle of studying or watching a movie, curled up on the couch together or sprawled across one of their beds or the floor.

  Even now that they were older, their bodies still fit together in the same way, and when Simon mumbled in his sleep and reached out to pull her closer to him, Jamie smiled.

  It was tinged with sadness, because she knew this wasn't going to last, but she smiled all the same. He was warm and comfortable, and he was there for the moment, so she was going to take that.

  The next morning found Jamie in bed alone, which wasn't something new at all. What was new, was the sensation that there should have been someone else there with her, and she blinked as memories from the night before came trickling in slowly.

  She rubbed her eyes and glanced over at the spot where Simon had been sleeping, noticing that the covers were pulled up and the pillow was fluffed perfectly. Neat freak.

  She half expected to find a note or something apologizing and saying that the night before had been a mistake, but there was nothing.

  Well. Nothing but the sound of dishes clanging together in her kitchen, which made her sit upright in bed. Was he still here somewhere?

  It wouldn't have surprised her if he'd gotten up in the early morning hours and then left, but apparently he was in her kitchen and from the smell of it, he was making coffee.

  "It's a Christmas miracle," she mumbled under her breath as she got out of bed, wincing as her feet touched the cold wooden floor. Slippers and a heavy terry cloth bathrobe went a long way towards warming her up, and she made her way into the kitchen after she'd checked to make sure her hair wasn't too messy and that she didn't have drool cried and crusted on her face.

  Simon had seen her look worse, but she wanted to give the appearance that she wasn't a train wreck.

  "Hey," he said, smiling at her and wearing his clothes from the day before. He was sitting at the kitchen table with his phone and a streaming cup. "Coffee and hot chocolate, just the way you like it."

  "You're a godsend," Jamie said, going over to pour herself a cup and lean against the table. "I'm surprised you're still here."

  He looked up. "I said I was staying until the new year, didn't I?"

  Jamie rolled her eyes. "No, I mean I'm surprised you're still here in my apartment. I figured you'd have gotten out while you had the chance. Considering you do plan on leaving again."

  Something flickered in Simon's eyes and he dropped them down to his phone again. "That doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with you while I'm here," he said. "Because I do. I want to do better, Jamie. Seeing you now and remembering what we had... It makes me wish I hadn't been an idiot for seven years."

  She snorted in response to that. "Well, good sex will do that to you."

  "That's not what I mean, and you know it."

  "Do I? Because I've heard all this before, Simon. All your declarations of how we're supposed to stay friends forever and all that. And look what happened."

  He sighed. "I know. I know I messed up, but I want to do better. Does that not count for anything?"

  The smart thing to do would be to tell him that no, it didn't count for anything. And then kick him out of her apartment and go on with her life. Maybe let him see how it felt to be ignored and treated like crap. But Jamie had never had a lot of willpower when it came to being smart about Simon, so she just sighed and drained her cup, burning her mouth on the scalding liquid and shivering at the flood of warmth.

  "It counts for something," he said softly. "Anyway, I've got to go to my mom's and make breakfast for her and stuff before the afternoon nurse gets there. Which means you've gotta get out and go see your dad."

  Simon scrunched up his face, and Jamie giggled because it always made him look like he was about five years old when he did that. "Do I have to?"

  "Wasn't that the whole point of you coming here? The running into me and having amazing sex part was mostly just a fluke, right?"

  "Yeah, I guess." He sighed heavily. "Okay, okay. I'm going. Do you want to do something later? Like get dinner or walk around. It's been so long since I was last here, and I want to see everything."

  Jamie considered. "Sure," she said after a moment. "I need to do my Christmas shopping anyway, and I'm off work until after Christmas. Do you want to meet me at the mall?"

  "Sounds good." Simon finished his own drink and washed his cup, leaning over to kiss her cheek before he was heading out the door with a call of "I'll text you!" over his shoulder.

  Jamie was left leaning against her counter and shaking her head. "Well, at least he still has my number."

  Apparently, the whole town knew that Simon was back. Her mother had commented on it as soon as Jamie had gotten through her front door, sitting in her chair and looking at her with concern.

  She'd never been able to hide anything from that woman, and she didn't try to then, instead telling her about how they were trying to fix things, but she didn't know how well it was going to work.

  Adelaide had narrowed her eyes and pulled her daughter into a hug, telling
her to take care of herself first and foremost, and then the two of them had made waffles.

  Simon had texted her that they would meet at four, do some shopping and then have dinner if that was alright with her, and by the time she was driving to the mall to meet him, she knew that everyone would have something to say about Simon's return. That was just how small towns worked. Everyone was always in everyone else's business unless they made a concentrated effort to keep it quiet.

  The mall wasn't really a mall. It was a strip of stores centered around a Walmart. It was teeming with people this close to the holidays, and Jamie was half tempted to text Simon and tell him that they were driving into the city to shop there, but she knew the traffic would be even worse.

  So instead, she parked got out of her car at the electronics store, pulling her coat tighter around her and jamming her hat on her head.

  A quick glance around showed Simon standing at the florist's, talking to Hattie and looking like he had been there for a while, so Jamie went to rescue him.

  "Ah, and there's Jamie!" Hattie said, grinning and clapping her hands.

  "Afternoon, Hattie," Jamie replied with a smile. "Is this ne'er do well bothering you?"

  "Oh, no, of course not," she said, flapping her hand at Jamie. "Simon Blake has always been a respectful young man, and it's just so good to see him. And you! And the two of you together! It's like going back in time."

  Simon and Jamie exchanged uncomfortable glances, but Jamie forced her smile to stay on her face. "No such thing, Hattie. Do you have any lilies by any chance?"

  The best thing to do to distract Hattie from going on a rant about how the two of them belonged together would be to get her talking about flowers. "I do!" she said enthusiastically. "For your mother? How is Adelaide?"

  Jamie managed to make small talk about her mother's condition for long enough that when they finally made their excuses and slipped away, no one could say they hadn't been respectful.

  "Whew," Simon said, jamming his hands into his pockets. "I forgot how much Hattie likes to talk."

  "Don't see how you could ever forget that," Jamie replied, glancing at him. Did he have to be so attractive? His cheeks and nose were tinged pink with cold, and he looked dashing in his black coat with a matching scarf around his neck. He'd grown up so well, and Jamie had to look away. She knew she looked the same as always. Like she belonged in this tiny town and working at a diner, not walking with a big city doctor like she belonged with him, whatever Hattie thought. "Hattie's always been crazy," she muttered.

  "Not crazy. Just... enthusiastic," Simon corrected her with a smile. "I think I actually missed her."

  "Then maybe you're the one who's crazy," Jamie said. "Here, let's get some coffee or something to warm up before we start this mess."

  They ducked into Open Grounds, the local coffee shop and had to endure a full ten minutes of being fussed over by the owner, even though he saw Jamie on a semi-regular basis. But apparently when she was next to Simon she was fuss worthy, and she held in her sigh of annoyance as they put in their orders.

  "I didn't think people would care so much that I'm back," Simon admitted.

  Jamie shrugged. "Everyone always liked you. You know that. Of course they're happy to have darling Simon Blake back on the streets. You classed the place up. Plus everyone knows you went off to the big city to make it so they think you're fancy now."

  He scoffed. "I'm not fancy. I'm just. Me. I guess."

  "Articulate." Jamie smiled and accepted her white chocolate mocha, letting the hot cup warm her cold fingers. "Anyway, you'd better get used to it because we have a lot of shopping to do, and it looks like the whole town is out today."

  "Lovely," Simon sighed. "Let's get it over with."

  It was both as bad and not as bad as Jamie had been expecting. Predictably, everyone wanted to stop and speak to Simon, and most of them commented on the fact that the two of them had glommed back together like they had never been apart. Each remark like that made Jamie flinch a little because it just wasn't true.

  But it was nice to be out and about with him. Simon was still wickedly smart and funny as they worked their way through the stores, picking out gifts and making fun of the more garish decorations in some of the stores.

  By seven, they were both exhausted and starving, so they put their bags in their cars and made their way to The Pit.

  "You sure you want to eat where you work?" Simon had asked when Jamie suggested it.

  "Are you kidding? I need a double cheeseburger asap after dealing with everyone today. And I don't trust anyone but Sal to make my burgers. Plus, I get a discount."

  So they'd driven over and were sitting at a table. Kathryn was working, and she'd winked and greeted them both with a smile as she brought them hot chocolate.

  "On the house," she said before moving on to take the orders from another table.

  "I can't believe Kathryn still works here," Simon said. "I mean, what's the draw? The benefits can't be that good, and she's a grown woman."

  Jamie set her cup down a bit harder than she meant to, and hot liquid sloshed over the side, burning her fingers. "So am I," she said. "Is that what you think about me?"

  "Jamie, be serious."

  "I am being serious, Simon. I'm an adult and I work here, and there aren't any secret plans for me to up and leave any time soon. So I'm asking you if that makes you think less of me."

  "Of course it doesn't I just... Fine. I don't get why you would want to stay here and just. Work at The Pit and be in the same place you grew up in for the rest of your life."

  Jamie let out a low breath, trying to avoid going off in the middle of the diner. "Some of us don't have the luxury of turning our backs on our family," she said, keeping her voice even.

  From the wince Simon gave, she knew she had made her point.

  "I'm sorry," Simon said softly. "I... Is it really bad?"

  "It's... Some days are better than others. Some days... Some days I'm pretty sure she doesn't have much time left."

  It shouldn't have been so satisfying to watch the dismay flicker over Simon's face, but sometimes he was really so short sighted, and he had always been the one to bring him back and make him realize that things didn't always work the way he thought they did.

  "I'm really sorry, Jamie."

  "I know. And it's not like I don't want to get out of here, you know. It's not like I don't want more than this. It's just that I can't do what you did. I can't decide that the people who raised me and the place I called home don't matter anymore. I would love to move to the city and start writing full time and make something of myself, but for right now I've got this. So I'm making the best of it."

  Simon reached out and covered her hand with his. "Of course. That makes sense. I just. I want you to be happy, Jamie. And I know I've done a really crappy job of proving that so far, but I do. I want you to have all the things you want, and I know you can get them because you're smart and talented and hard working."

  Jamie hated herself for blushing a little but. "Oh, shut up. Tell me what's so great about the city anyway."

  She leaned back in her seat and listened as Simon described the food and the people and the atmosphere and how much he had learned and seen since he'd left. He made it sound wonderful, and it was very clear that he had a life there that was working out well for him. As much as Jamie wanted to hate him for it, she could only be happy. Because he deserved it.

  And if that meant that this was going to be short lived and when the new year rolled in he would go back to being a stranger, well. Maybe she'd be more prepared for it this time.

  At the very least.

  Chapter 7: Bonding Time

  If there was one thing that Simon had forgotten it was how slow time moved when you were in a small town. Compared to the city where everything was fast and hurried, being here was like watching molasses roll down a window pane. A cold window pane.

  And yet, at the same time, it was already dangerously close to Christmas. />
  He sighed for what had to be the fifteenth time in half as many minutes, and his father looked up at him. "It can't be that bad, Simon," he murmured. "Can it?"

  And then he felt bad.

  Matthew Blake was a hardworking man. Always had been. He was the local veterinarian and had been married to Simon's mother since he was twenty years old. When Simon was a child, his father had always been full of life and energy, but it was clear that the ordeal with his now ex-wife had taken a toll on him.

  He seemed like a shadow of himself, quieter, smaller even, and Simon didn't know how to interact with him anymore.

  "Maybe it can," he replied a little petulantly, pushing a photo album into one of the boxes they were packing without looking through it.

  "This is hard for me, too, you know," Matthew said. "I know you hate it here and everything, but we're basically putting my home in storage."

  Of course, his father did always know how to make him feel small and guilty with his words, but in this case, Simon supposed he deserved it. "Sorry," he mumbled, aware that he had been saying that a lot lately.

  Apparently he just couldn't seem to stop putting his foot in his mouth, and he was very well aware that he had forgotten how to interact with these people. They were his friends and family, but somewhere in the last seven years Simon had lost the part of himself that understood them.

  He didn't know how he was supposed to feel about that, so he just decided to push it to a small corner of his mind and focus on the task at hand.

  They were in the living room, packing up old photo albums and books, things that they had collected as a family since before Simon was born. He could see the pain in his father's face every time he came across something that had been picked out or own by his mother, and he felt like he needed to say something.

  "Do you ever talk to her?"

  Matthew shook his head. "No. I haven't heard from her since she left. She didn't exactly leave a forwarding address. Do you talk to her?"