Where the Heart is (Interracial with Baby) (BWWM) Read online

  That was the least he could do for her, right?

  At least for now while he had to do some serious thinking about what he was going to do in the future. Because either way Jamie deserved to know if she was going to be doing this alone, even though it seemed that she had already resigned herself to the fact that she would be.

  "Ugh. Forget this," he said, getting up from the couch and going into the kitchen to find the liquor he kept in the cabinet above the fridge. This was a gin moment if ever there was one.

  Luckily he had the next day off so he could turn this problem over in his head undistracted.

  For now, he just wanted to get very, very drunk.

  Chapter 12: How to Deal

  The thing that was so annoying about life, Jamie found in the next few days, was that even when you were having a personal crisis of epic proportions, it still continued to go on as planned.

  So she still had to get up every morning and go to her mother's to make sure that she got breakfast and everything and then make small talk with the nurse and she had to go to work. Every day. Without fail.

  Which was... hard, to say the least. Because the whole time, her secret was there in the back of her mind. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. Simon doesn't want anything to do with his future kid, and I'm pregnant.

  It was there when she made her mother oatmeal and when she drove to The Pit and when she smiled at Sal's jokes and avoided eye contact with Kathryn and ignored Adam's clumsy attempts at flirting. It was there when she poured coffee for regulars and tourists alike, beating at the back of her brain and making it hard to focus on anything else.

  And she could only keep it a secret for so long, that was a part of the problem. Eventually she would have morning sickness to contend with and hormone changes. That and she'd start to show and have to miss work to go to doctor's visits and not to mention that she'd actually have to give birth, which was more than terrifying.

  Even more terrifying was the fact that she could just see herself doing all of this alone.

  She didn't know why she had expected anything different from Simon.

  Hadn't he already proved that when things got tough, his way of dealing with it was to not deal with it?

  Of course he was going to cut her off and have nothing to say now. Of course he didn't want this.

  He had a neat little plan for his life and taking care of his best friend's baby didn't fall into that plan.

  Anger surged through her and she wiped at the counter a bit harder than necessary, blinking back tears of frustration and hurt. Because this hadn't been in her plans either. Being pregnant and alone and scared had never factored in, so it wasn't like he was the only one who was having his life disrupted here. She was the one who was going to gain a bunch of weight and have to give birth and take care of the baby. And it wasn't just her baby, either. He was a part of this, too. It was partly his fault, and he had made her feel like she was some kind of... loose woman who went and did this because she didn't know any better.

  It was awful, and she hated it.

  She hated him.

  ...Except she really didn't at all and it made her so angry. After everything, if there was one thing Jamie should have been able to do, it was hate Simon Blake. But nope. She was still frustratingly in love with him, even though she was going to be raising her child with him alone more than likely. Looking at them and seeing Simon's eyes or hair or chin every time and knowing that somewhere out there Simon was probably relieved that he had dodged a bullet.

  "I don't need him," she snarled, stomping into the kitchen and throwing her rag in the bin.

  "I'm sure you don't," Sal replied from at the grill. "Something y'wanna talk about, Jamie-girl? Not to pry in your business or anything, but you've been distracted and irritable all week."

  And why did Sal have to be so nice all the time? He was the closest thing she had to a father figure who wasn't Matthew Blake and therefor off limits in this situation, and she didn't know how to talk to him about this at all.

  Oh sure, Sal. Yeah. Let's talk about how I'm PREGNANT and how my best friend is the FATHER and doesn't want anything to do with it. Let's talk about how I don't know what I'm supposed to do or who to turn to because my mother is slowly dying from cancer, and I don't have anyone else.

  Instead she just shook her head. "Your burger's getting crispy there," she said, pointing out the charred edges of the patty on the grill and heading out to the back for a break.

  It was March, but the chill was still definitely in the air, but Jamie didn't put on her jacket. She needed the bracing wind to cut through her haze and make her focus on the things that mattered.

  Like the fact that she needed to do her job.

  And wasn't that a thought that led to her slumping back against the brick back of the building and letting out a heavy sigh?

  Her plan had been to cut back on the time she spent working here and start looking for work more related to what she wanted to do, but clearly that wasn't going to happen. Not when she was going to have another mouth to feed. And clothe. And take to the doctor.

  She made a pained noise in the back of her throat and slumped down the cold surface behind her, ending up on the frigid asphalt of the ground with her knees pulled up to her chest.

  What made it worse was that she couldn't even have a smoke or a drink to try and relax because that was one of the main things she knew about carrying a baby, and she didn't want her child to suffer for her not being able to handle anything.

  Before she knew it, she was crying again.

  God, sometimes it felt like that was all she ever did anymore was cry. She went home and cried into her pillow, emotions running high and phone inches from her fingers.

  But Jamie wasn't going to be the one to call first. She had done her part, and the ball was in Simon's court now. It was up to him to decide what he wanted to do, and there was no way she was going to beg him. She had more pride than that.

  Just apparently not enough pride to keep her from sobbing her eyes out behind her place of work.

  "Stupid hormones," she muttered into her drawn up knees because that was easier than admitting that she probably couldn't do this alone. For all her big words to Simon about how she didn't need him, it hadn't escaped her notice that she really probably did need him.

  Or someone.

  She just wanted it to be him. But then, that wasn't anything new at all, was it? Jamie had wanted it to be him for years now.

  The door behind her banged open, and Jamie looked up to see Kathryn standing there with a soft look on her face. "I thought I'd find you here," the older woman said. "Come on. Come with me. I think we need to have a talk, don't you?"

  Jamie shook her head and wiped at her eyes. "I can't. I have to..." she gestured to the diner. "Get back to work and stuff." This was definitely not the time to be slacking off. In fact, she was probably going to have to pick up some extra shifts to make more money.

  "No, you don't. Do you know how much vacation time you have saved up? A lot. Enough that you can take an hour off and come tell me what's bothering you. And please don't say nothing because I have known you long enough to know that it's not true." She held a hand out, and Jamie was so overcome with emotion that someone wanted to help that she couldn't resist reaching up and letting Kathryn pull her to her feet.

  They went back inside the warmth of the diner, passing through the kitchen (and behind Sal, who thoughtfully kept his back turned whistling his cheery tune) and into the office in the back. Kathryn shut the door and directed Jamie to sit in the chair while she perched on the desk.

  It wasn't a large room, and the desk took up most of the space, but it was warm and cozy from the space heater that was going in the corner. The chair was much more comfortable than the cold ground outside, and she let herself try to calm down for a bit.

  "Do you want some coffee?"

  Jamie wiped at her eyes again and kept them trained on the scarred wood of the desk as she shook her head.
"No, thank you."

  "Water?"

  "I'm fine."

  "Well, that's just clearly not true. Are you going to tell me what's wrong? Is your mother okay?" Kathryn asked, and her voice was so gentle that Jamie couldn't help herself. She'd been holding this in for so long and the only person she'd told so far had pretty much outright rejected her, so she needed to tell someone who wasn't involved. Just to get it out.

  "Mom's fine. This isn't. It isn't about her. It's... I'm pregnant," she blurted, eyes darting up to the other woman and then away. "And everything sucks."

  Kathryn just blinked at her. "You're sure?"

  Why did people always think that the woman was confused about whether she was pregnant or not? "Yeah. I've taken a lot of pregnancy tests and they all seem to be agreed on the subject."

  She didn't say anything for a long moment. "Simon's?" Kathryn asked finally.

  Jamie just nodded. "Yeah. Of course, right? It makes perfect sense that it's his. That's something I'd do. Go and get knocked up by the one person who hates being tied to this place."

  "Well, I'm sure you didn't do it on purpose. Have you told him yet?"

  She nodded again and the tears starting to fall all over again. Her breathing hitched as she kept talking. "Y-yeah. I called him a few days ago."

  "I take it it didn't go well."

  Jamie laughed, and it was a bitter sound. She wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head. "No. It didn't. I... I didn't know what else to do! I had to tell him, and he... he was so awful about it! He thought it was someone else's baby at first, like I just sleep around all the time because I live here and work in a diner and I'm not as good as he is or whatever. And he didn't say the thing, and I just..."

  Warm hands were rubbing her back, and Jamie looked up to see that Kathryn had moved from her perch and was kneeling beside her chair. "What thing?"

  "The thing," Jamie repeated. "In the movies whenever a guy gets a girl pregnant and he's not a total douche or complete loser, he tells her that... that he's gonna be there for her no matter what and that she's not alone and they'll figure it out together, and Simon didn't say any of that. He just." She shrugged and let herself sob it out.

  "Oh, sweetie," Kathryn murmured, and Jamie was so, so glad that she didn't say that those were things that only happened in the movies and not in real life. Because she knew that. She knew that happy endings didn't work like that, but she had expected more from Simon because he was a good guy, and she did believe that he cared about her.

  "I just. I want my kid to have a dad, you know?" she continued. "I told Simon that they would be fine without him, the kid, but. But it sucks not having a dad and having to watch your mom struggle her whole life to take care of you alone, and I don't want that. I don't want to have to work here for the rest of my life and have two other jobs on top of it."

  Kathryn nodded. "That's understandable. From what I understand, having a baby changes your entire life, and it makes sense that it would. But you can't fall apart, Jamie. Soon enough you're going to have a little one depending on you to take care of it. And... if I'm honest, I really don't think you'll be doing it alone."

  "What makes you say that?" Jamie asked, wiping at her face.

  "Because I know Simon. Obviously not as well as you do, but I know that he's a good guy. There's no way he's going to leave you to have to deal with this all on your own."

  Jamie arched an eyebrow at her. "Kathryn, he's cut me out of his life once before, you know. He cut his own father out of his life."

  She nodded in return. "I know that. But it's different, isn't it? This is something he did. Something he has a part in, and I don't think he can just ignore that. Not even if he wanted to. I'd say give him some time to get his head around all of this. It's not an easy thing, you know?"

  Oh, she knew alright, and instead of pointing out that she didn't get time to come to terms with it because she just had to deal, she sighed. More than anything else, Jamie dearly hoped that Kathryn was right. She didn't want to do this alone, no matter how bold her words had been before, but she also wasn't going to call Simon and beg him for help. She had too much pride for that.

  Kathryn patted her back soothingly. "In the meantime, life goes on, right? Have you been to see a doctor yet?"

  Jamie shook her head. It was on her list of things to do. Right at the top because she knew it was important, but she just hadn't done it yet. The thought of going in there and having to talk about this with a doctor all alone made her stomach twist itself into knots, so she'd been putting it off.

  "Then make an appointment, Jamie. Right now," Kathryn continued. "Being there for your child starts now. If you don't want to go alone, I'll come with you."

  "Oh, you don't have to do that, Kathryn, I can... I can manage."

  The other woman shook her head. "You can manage, but you shouldn't have to when it comes to something like this. So I'm going to go with you. Even if Simon never gets his head out of his butt, you're not alone, you know. There's a whole town full of people who care about you and would help you in a heartbeat if you asked them to."

  When she said it like that, it made Jamie smile a little. Because she was right. Even if they were gossips and busy bodies sometimes, the people of her town had known her for her entire life, and she didn't think any of them would turn their backs on her because of this.

  They'd helped her mother, hadn't they?

  When her father had disappeared without a trace. Adelaide had told her stories about how Sal had threatened to hunt him down and bring him back kicking and screaming and how when Adelaide had told him that she was better off without him, he'd promised to help her however he could.

  She let out a shuddering breath and smiled at Kathryn. "You're right. Of course you're right. I just. Got all worked up and scared."

  "Which is completely understandable," Kathryn replied with a smile back. "It's a big thing. So how about this. You call the doctor and make an appointment and I'm going to go tell Sal that we're out of here for the day. You've worked enough already, and you're going to have to start being more careful about your shifts anyway. We'll go see a movie or something. What do you think?"

  It sounded wonderful, and Jamie nodded. "Yes. Please. Also I haven't eaten for most of the day, so..."

  Kathryn snorted and shook her head. "We're going to have to work on that. For now, I will tell Sal to whip us up two burger plates to go and we will smuggle them into the movies. Good?"

  "Great," Jamie answered. She watched as Kathryn left the office and let out another breath. Somehow just telling someone else made the whole thing seem less daunting, and she was glad that Kathryn had pilled her in for the conversation.

  With shaking fingers, she picked up the phone on the desk and called the doctor's office, making an appointment for the next day with the surprised sounding receptionist.

  Jamie knew her, of course. They'd gone to high school together, and all she could hope was that her business wasn't going to be all over the town before she had a chance to break the news to her mother.

  That was a whole different thing all together, and Jamie actually had no idea how her mom was going to take the news. Thinking about that was liable to make her start freaking out all over again, so she put it out of her mind for the time being. For now, she was going to try to handle the things that were in front of her. Like taking off her apron and grabbing her coat so she could go out and enjoy herself for a little while, at least.

  Chapter 13: Sets You Free

  Jamie thought she was going to be sick. And considering she had already been sick that morning before she'd even gotten up properly, that was saying something. But she was standing in the kitchen at her mother's house, stirring a pot of oatmeal and adding brown sugar to it, and she could feel her mother's gaze on her back.

  Honestly, she was surprised that she'd managed to keep it a secret for this long, with her mother being able to read most people like a book and all. But maybe she was just getting better at keepi
ng things from the woman now that she wasn't a child anymore.

  "Jamie, you're going to have to tell me what's wrong with you eventually, you know."

  Or maybe not.

  She let out a shuddering breath and chewed on her lip. "Do I have to?"

  "Yes, you do," Adelaide replied. "Because I've been very worried about you lately. You're preoccupied all the time, and you look like you haven't been sleeping. When I mentioned this to Sal the other day, he looked like he wanted to say something but then he didn't, which leads me to believe that he knows whatever's going on, and you just haven't told me what it is. So I'm waiting for you to tell me."

  Jamie spared a second to be grateful that Sal had kept her secret. She knew that Kathryn had told him so that he could keep an eye on her at work, and she appreciated both of them for looking out for her.

  But, she had to tell her mother that she was having a baby with a man who she wasn't married to and that she had no idea how any of it was going to work.

  Nine months seemed like such a long time when you weren't pregnant. There was so much to do, so much to figure out, and she hadn't even begun yet. Time was slipping away from her, and even with Sal and Kathryn's help, she didn't know what to do.

  So maybe it was time to tell her mother. If anyone could help her, it was Adelaide, right? She'd been through this already and would hopefully not be too upset.

  Taking a deep breath, Jamie dished up two bowls of oatmeal and came to sit at the table, nursing a cup of orange juice and pushing her mother's bowl towards her.

  Adelaide had an expectant look on her face, and Jamie winced. "I'm trying to think of how to say it," she said, looking away.

  "It might be best just to come out with it," her mother suggested.

  Even though she'd already told Simon and Kathryn, saying it never got easier. "Well. Okay. You see. I." Why? Why was this somehow harder than telling Simon had been? "Mom, I'm pregnant," Jamie said in a rush, just getting the words out of her mouth.